are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
