woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
