Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
