the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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