I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
