glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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