Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
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I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
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We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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