i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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