I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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