Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize