that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
