Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
