If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
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