Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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