How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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