If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
