i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
