Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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