Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
