i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
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the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
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They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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