yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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