my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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