Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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