you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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