1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
