omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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