I just cut my nipple shaving
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
