The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
