Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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