Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
