My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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