I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The power of my boobs compel you
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
