And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
