Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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