My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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