It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
