Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
