You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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