i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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