I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
ugly people sure do ruin things
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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