I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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