So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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