next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
