Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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