i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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