that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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