I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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