woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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