she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
