you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
