oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
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I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
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I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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