so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
