America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
