Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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