So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
