remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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