Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
