Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
