So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
