Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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