Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Boobs speak an international language.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
