It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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