You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
