you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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