i just had sex bonerless
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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