my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
