i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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