I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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