New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I would fuck him just for his dog
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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