I'd wear matching sweaters with you
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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