I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
